I feel like a shattered mirror barely held together with tape?

I get in my car and just hope that someone hits me. I park on the highest floor just in case that day is the day I actually jump. I thought this semester would be better, but everything just seems to be getting worse. I have bright moments where I feel bright bubbly and happy, but those days are few and far between. I see the dissapointment on my mother's face when I made a few bad decisions. I feel the building stress from school. I feel the exhaustion from trying to please too many people and keeping all the plates spinning. I just want to sleep. Curl up in a corner where no one can find me and fade away. My mantra for the past few months is "I reserve the right to kill myself tomorrow," but that just seems to be procrastination. I'm starting to slip in everything I do. Burnt out and tired of trying. Why should I try when all I'm going to end up with is a mediocre job in a loveless marriage. I'm scared to get too involve with anyone in any kind of relationship. Always keeping a foot and a half out the door. I don't want to end up like my parents, shouting and arguing constantly. I'm so tired of seeing my father driven to tears and tossed out of the house, my mother panicing over the smallest of things dying. I don't even feel anything when something dies anymore, i don't think i've really felt anything since my horse died 3 years ago. I feel as if i'm looking through binoculars and that someone else is going about my life while I sit in the back corner of my mind watching with no thought at all. I just want to sleep and never wake up again. I don't know anymore why I try. Maybe this is just the stress of finals week and the impending doom or failing calculus and having to take it for the third time. I have never failed a cl in all 20 years of my life. I even got my first C last semester and that really through me off. You probably think I'm silly, but I need to get this out and there are no online suicide chat rooms that I could find. so I'm pooring open my heart, whatevers left of it for the generic you don't need to do this, life is wonderful, go see a councelor, blah blah blah. I'm just tired and want to sleep everything away.